NEW EYES

I am having the first of two cataract surgeries tomorrow. Surprise to me, as it was suppoed to be April 7. However, I have scrambled to get some projects completed in the last two days since finding out about the change, and am ready to go.

I attend a writer's conference on book marketing on Saturday with two dear writer friends. Some of the points were well taken but we three agreed that most of this marketing was out of our league. Do I have money for 10,000 copies of my books and give away 5,000? Do I have extra money to give a cruise away in a contest for purchasers of my book? Can you hear me laughing all the way to your front door? I was a little disappointed that most of what I heard was not for the ordinary writer. Even traditional publishers don't give out such goodies on behalf of their writers.

I am going to be out of the loop for a few days while my eyesight reaches a certain point of healing but I have a few writing tapes I will listen to and can make notes on some ideas I have "squirrelling around in my head"--and hopefully, be able to read my hen scratch when I recoup.

Though this is "a piece of cake" as others have told me, my doctor has said there are 95% "perfect sight" outcome, but then there's that 5% that goes wrong. So keep me in your prayers, or at least send good thoughts toward my Dr. Zane.

FEAR AND REACTION

Deeply buried fears can help generate exciting plots. Who or what am I afraid of? Snakes. Really violent men. Someone waiting for me inside my home late at night. Something happening to my husband or children. Cancer. Memory loss. I guess I have more fears than I thought.

Who knows what writers fear that creates their plots. It seems that my favorite authors either have a lot of fears, or great imaginations that need no outside stimulus. Whatever, they come up with outstanding plots, where detectives or brave amateurs are each driven in his or her own way to find answers.

I love to read (and write) mysteries. I don't usually have detectives as my main characters in what I write--I go for the amateur detective more often than not. But when I am reading, my favorite characters are detectives, PI's, forensic experts, etc. I want these characters (theirs and mine) to strive to solve the crimes or catch the criminal. Why should they do that? Because many of them fear not being in control and, therefore, must be the ONE who creates the outcome for a criminal or mystery. Others fear failure, or losing authority if they don't find the culprit. Many I read about, and hope to write as well about, drive themselves to meet the problems, even the murderer, head-on or face-to-face.

What should my characters fear in the deepest part of their mind or soul? How do they deal with that fear? Through avoidance? Compulsion? Anger? Depression? Pretending not to have any fear by taking chances of who they meet or where they go? Seeking out the perpetrator? Or finding the hero to cling to because he is stronger?

Can this be used, this way my characters handle fear, to create plot or new ideas? It seems like the best place to start if I were beginning a new mystery. Hmm What did I say I feared the most--snakes? Forget it, I can't write a book, especially not a mystery, including snakes. That is one fear I don't want to face.

REJECTIONS

Over the years I have been writing I have received more rejections than I could ever count. It seems today, however, that more of the articles, short fiction, and personal essays I write are rejected. Most of these would have sold several years ago. Now they seem to be unacceptable.

I wonder if it is the way they are written? Am I not sounding fresh enough, or researching the material in as much depth as I once did? Maybe the markets I am choosing are just not the right ones. Or is it that so many magazines are now using in-house staff to write for them, not using as many freelancers as before? Has this economy done us all in?

Whatever the reasons, I will continue to make the attempt. I love to write and I enjoy having readers comment on my work, come back for more. I will do a better job of seeking out the correct markets. I will check my sources, my research, and make sure I have proofed my work to the very best of my ability.

And, even if there are fewer markets for short fiction, my heart is there when I write in that genre. I will continue to get my tales into words on this computer, hoping that at least my friends will enjoy reading them, hoping someone will laugh or cry or agree with my characters. I will try to see them published because, afterall, all I can receive are rejections!

P.D. JAMES

One of my favorite authors, P.D. James, died recently. She lived near London, wrote wonderful detective stories, and was my idol. Not that I enjoyed all of her books, but I admired her work ethic, her longivity in this publishing world (she was 90 and has just published a wonderful book for writers, "Talking About Detective Fiction" and her depth of research to create a "real" fiction world.

in 1983, Phuyllis Dorothy James, was awarded the Order of the British Empire; then in 1991 she was named a life peer of the United Kingdom and given the title Baroness James of Holland Park. In 2000 she was a member of the House of Lords. And all the time she wrote.

She always said she gained the knowledge that she used to write her mysteries from her own life. She entertained her own siblings with her storytelling, but she waited for years to write her first novel. Her husband became ill so she went to work--eventually administering the Forensic Science Service of the Police Department.

Though I admit to not reading all of her work, I am a big fan of her character, both in books and on TV, Adam Dalgliesh. She decribes this character thus: Middle-aged widower, commander in Scotland Yard, London. His wife had died in childbirth and he has no romantic entanglements. He is tall, dark; rather moody and writes poetry for a hobby to help him cope with the pain of his job.

P.D. James gave him the qualities that she felt are important in a man--courage, intelligence, generosity and sensibility. He has a fondness for architecture claret wine, and reads biographies. And he would never be caught dead fabricating evidence!

I also enjoyed her character, Cordelia Gray, a female PI, which has been portrayed on many TV. P.D. James said she always enjoyed this charater.

It was interesting to me, as a writer, to read what is always on her desk as she writes: a dictonery and thesaurus, a pad of lined paper, and a collection of ball point pins with black ink. No computers for her, I presume. At least, not on the first draft.

I will miss just knowing she is still out there somewhere at her desk writing those perfectly researched mysteries.

SAILING THE SEAS WITH EYES GONE FUZZY

I’ve been out to sea for awhile (literally, for we have been on a cruise) and, before that, spent several weeks with appointments to determine what was going on with my loss of vision. That’s a very scary thing for a writer and one who loves to read as much as I do. It turns out the “small” cataracts are not so small anymore and both need to come off. The left eye will go under the knife on April 7 and then, as my surgeon says, you will probably go a little nuts (nuttier than I already am I think he actually meant) with one good eye and one bad until the next one cataract is removed.

The thought of losing my sight has certainly put the brain to working. It tells me I should appreciate this lovely world around me; all the writing I have been putting off for a “better, more convenient time” needs to be done, and I need to laugh and love more. Maybe I can’t give all the credit to this diagnosis of lost sight though. It might have something to do with my leaving the stressful Board I was on, finding in less than a month’s time how relieved I am, how much more free I feel, how open to new writing paths I am now, and what a joy it is to not have a “meeting” called at the drop of a hat. There iS a good life out there and I have been missing part of it for more than two years.

So this is just a short note to encourage all of you to look at your life—are you volunteering (or working) too much, have you scheduled some time for yourself to kick back and daydream, and have you finally made it clear to your family (or yourself) that this craft of writing means a great deal to you and you must have the freedom to pursue it? If any of these things are missing from your life, set them in motion. Life is short. The writing muse doesn’t hang around forever. Make time to follow your dreams.